CJMALDITA

i don’t know what my tears means… i don’t exactly know where it is coming.. but i know there must be something… i am trying to control my emotion in the best as i can.. but it’s like.. wanting to burst out that i cannot control of..  wish i am that strong not to shed tears.. wish i was a good pretender… but how in the hell can i do that when my tears are over flowing and my emotion is out of my control.. i guess it is getting harder than i thought it would be.. i guess i am the one dragging myself into this pain.. but i am certain that what i need now.. is space for me to think the possible way that could help me clear out my head… i need to get to my senses.. i need to find my way out…

i am in the state where i am no longer certain with what i want… who i want.. what will make me happy and who i really need to be with….

sometimes.. i’m left wondering why do i deserve this pain when all i ever wanted to give my all… sometimes it makes me even more hopeless seeing myself can’t do anything from drowning…

please… make sure you’ll find your way to go back to yourself..  and make sure that you will protect your heart from those who never stop from hurting you… 

things have gone out of proportion recently…. and it seems too heavy for me to bear… i don’t know how it started.. when did i felt like this.. where will i place myself.. how will i be able to get over with this.. it is so strange that i am really having a hard time figuring it out… looking for some ways on how to drop it.. but the thing is.. it just makes me more confused… what is worst is.. it never stop from haunting me… from reassessing myself and my emotion.. finding some possible answer to my damn questions..

it made me realized at one point that i need to air this out.. or else it will totally drive me crazy…

i am not making sense.. but hell, i know that when it comes to HEART matter…  there is no RIGHT nor WRONG answer or solution… sometimes you have to make a wrong move in order to know who will stand still… sometimes you need to let go.. for you to see.. how much you have given and lost your identity.. how much you can take but finding yourself in the losing end..

i just don’t know how long will this agony last…  i wish it will vanish soon.. i wish i can totally say BYE.. i wish that even if i know the truth and the truth hurts like hell… i can still say that i am ready to love again..  that my heart can beat one more time to someone who is much better for me..

cjtnah 29/08/2010
6:45pm 

I don’t understand why suddenly i am yearning to see you

nor to know you more better.. sometimes, i am convincing myself that

i am just fond of you.. but the more i do it, the more i am realizing 

that when i see you, i don’t only smile because i saw you.. and you may not be 

the only reason for that smile… but the hell,.. it’s my ONLY FAVORITE reason

to get me through the day.

CEEJAE :)